


My "Best Friend", an English Lit Essay by Damian Wayne

by writingtheworks



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU (Comics), Super Sons (Comics)
Genre: Essay format, Gen, POV First Person, they're best buddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:34:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23216344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtheworks/pseuds/writingtheworks
Summary: In the Robin 80th Anniversary issue, Jon gets assigned an essay about his best friend for an English Lit class. Since we can safely assume that Damian also shares that class, here's Damian's essay.
Relationships: Jonathan Samuel Kent & Damian Wayne
Comments: 15
Kudos: 114





	My "Best Friend", an English Lit Essay by Damian Wayne

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so so so pleased with this! i don't usually get too enthusiastic about something I've written, but I genuinely feel this is my best characterization of Damian so far. set six months after they meet, or whatevs. this is meant to look like an actual school essay, so sorry if that traumatizes anyone. Enjoy!

Damian Wayne

Ms. Weiland

Accelerated 7th Grade English

March 19th, 2020.

**My “Best Friend”**

I will preface with this, Miss Weiland: this is _not_ an essay.

Though I understand you teach a seventh-grade class, I cannot fathom why you would not at the very least attempt to _challenge_ your students. _Three_ paragraphs, you say, like it is some insurmountable obstacle for a pack of twelve and thirteen-year-olds. I write this as Janice Phillipi picks a chocolate stain off her uniform skirt with a pencil, however, so I suppose you know your student’s intelligence as well as I do. No works cited page. No topic for argumentation, persuasion, or informational presentation. Personal pronouns galore, of course. All you have given is the bare prompt of, “Who is your best friend and why?” If that is what you plan to grade me on—a blasé study of my moral character and social aptitude—then understand that this will be the first poor mark you see on my report. I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you.

The term “best friend” is, in it’s origin, quite poor. Many people claim to have more than one. You cannot have more than one best friend, and the term itself qualifies why. _Best_ is defined in the English Dictionary as something of “the highest degree”, or, if that is too complicated for you, “the most.” (I neglected a proper citation, just as you desired. Are you pleased with my lack of thoroughness, Weiland?). Having more than one best friend is a self-made paradox because out of the two metaphorical friends, one must be better. They cannot _both_ be the best. Best is an individual word; to be the best means that you are above all, the most effective and excellent choice. Forgive my hypocrisy, Miss Weiland. I’ve never had a best friend before.

Given your lack of clear instruction and boundaries, I deduce that you intend for this essay to inspire the power of emotion in writing. My classmates will pour over the “best friends” they had or currently have, gush about all the things they do together, all that they have gone through, as if they aren’t friendships they will forget with the strenuous flow of school-life. The emotion they might feel for their companion will inspire a better piece, and you will use that as a lesson about emotion in writing and how powerful it can be. You will compare it to our other pieces of writing—pieces of writing with less intensity and “seriousness”, and hopefully inspire every useless dimwit in the room to write their own _Little Women_ and _To Kill A Mockingbird_ or _The Outsiders_ with their pre-teenage anguish and grief.

It’s almost clever. Your slyness might have been more clever if you had hidden it from me, but I see through everyone. Miss Weiland, I recognize that you pity me, and perhaps even considered me in your decision making process regarding this writing prompt. I know what you’re thinking: _this will help me understand him more._ Perhaps, even, if I’d dare to reach, _this could help him open up._ I am not so childishly naive that this will work on me, and I am not so childishly naive that I will emotionally prose about the person _you_ think is my “best friend.”

“Who is your best friend and why?” That is your prompt. As the suggestion that I should ever have a “best friend” frankly disgusts me, I will answer oppositely. Jonathan Kent is not my best friend, and here’s why.

For your information, I did not willingly choose to acquaint myself with Jonathan Kent. You, along with everyone else with eyes, can easily note that Jon is a stubborn bastard that will not take no for an answer. Like you, Kent has somehow received the notion that I enjoy his presence. I do not. He is a nuisance, an annoyance, and a greater thorn in my side than everyone in this simpleton-stuffed academy combined—which, in all fairness, is a sizeable thorn of its own right. While I would call him a bothersome limb constantly joint at my hip, Jon claims that he’s just practicing _loyalty._

This apparent… loyalty… is just one of his many qualities that prohibit the chords of my daily routine. I am aware of my lack of popularity in our grade. It is not something that bothers me, as I am familiar with such treatment, but once more Kent must always be the savior. Hardly anyone raises their voice against me anymore. I am not prodded with pencils, my bookbag is no longer stolen and tossed about the courtyard, and it has been months since I have been pushed or shoved in the hall. This is Kent’s fault. Our grade’s “bullies” no longer fear me, but him instead. It is just another way that Jon flaunts how much better he is than I; he underestimates my ability to take care of myself, jumping at the chance to protect or defend me as if I am some useless damsel. _D, buddy,_ Jon has nicknamed me. Likely with condescension I cannot interpret.

When I had first met Jon a number of months ago, I was convinced that he was a stain on this planet’s wellbeing, and now I am only more convinced of such. Jon’s second greatest ability is his inherently soft nature. Every one is swayed to his side because of his “kind” manipulations. I watch it happen every day; just this morning, he gave the whole of his lunch to Mattie Conteras, who had forgotten his and had no money in his lunch account. He was so very thankful when Jon offered up his instead. How _easy_ it could have been for Jon to poison Mattie’s meal under the guise of kindness—Kent is only teaching our already feeble population how easy it is to blindly trust, to lose suspicion for our fellow man. Not only is Kent annoyingly dependent, but he also preaches empathy and goodwill. I see through him just as I see through you.

Another requirement of a properly published paper (something you may not understand, apparently) is the address of a counterargument. Miss Weiland, you attempt to read through the lines of my essay like I have buried some hidden affection for Jonathan Kent there. _Your_ argument is that he is my best friend—not only because Jon is the only one I have ever befriended, but because I apparently relate to and look up to Kent. I do not need to bury any feeling of mine when I say that I hold absolutely no fondness for my peer. (If _peer_ is a proper descriptor in the first place). I do not admire him, both for his easy ability to befriend or his confidence. I have never felt inspired by his will or selflessness. Honestly, I abhor Kent and all his attempts to soften me, too.

“Who is your best friend and why?” You ask.

Here is your answer, Weiland: Jonathan Kent is not my best friend, and he is not my best friend because he is a loyal, selfless, honorable and clever confidant of mine. If I had to put a name to what Jon was to me, it would be far more demeaning (even to the insulting term “best friend”).

Like _brother._

**Author's Note:**

> can u funking imagine his teacher's face while reading this lmaooooo


End file.
